I find it hard to believe that this young woman’s ADHD diagnosis is the reason your ex-wife objects to her spending the summer with your family. Why not consult the person who handled your divorce?) What I can weigh in on is how you might have a more fruitful conversation with your ex about these summer plans. I’m doubtful that you have anything to worry about with regard to the custody of your daughters, even if your ex-wife were to make good on her threat. I’m no legal expert, of course, but since you’ve written to me instead of calling your attorney, I’m glad to throw my opinion into the ring. Is this something I actually need to be worried about? She is threatening to take me back to court over letting my son’s girlfriend stay with us. She says this is because the girlfriend has ADHD (she’d confided this diagnosis to my family, and one of the girls told their mother) and we’ve been trying to get our younger daughter better at organization (she’s been screened for ADHD and has not been diagnosed). My ex is utterly against my son’s girlfriend staying with us. I miss my mom but hate feeling like she’s disappointed in and disapproving of me. None of her beliefs were a surprise, so I’m not sure why I’m still so distressed. (Although my mom has tried to reach out to me, I’ve rebuffed her.) I’m still very angry about the conversation and don’t know how to move forward. The last time my kids and I visited my parents, my mom brought up how worried she is that we don’t attend church and how important she thinks it is that my kids know about “absolute truth.” Instead of politely demurring the way I know I should have, I blew up, and soon this turned into a heated argument about abortion and gay rights. We’ve managed to stay close by avoiding these topics-until recently. But she and I have very different political and religious beliefs. She also defers to my husband and me and never tries to claim she knows best. She and my dad live about two hours from my family, and she’s been a very involved and loving grandmother. I have always been very close to my mom and have remained so, even as an adult with my own kids. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here or post it in the Slate Parenting Facebook group. Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column.
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